


reaching for the stars but catching fireflies

by abderian



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Amazon Rainforest, Astronaut AU, Entomologist!Niall, Expedition AU, Fireflies, Gen, M/M, NASA Engineer!Liam, Narry - Freeform, Nature Photographer!Harry, Space AU, Stars, Zayn and Taylor are only in one scene, and yet both stories are equally important to the other, astronaut!louis, this is almost two stories existing side by side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 07:45:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5959294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abderian/pseuds/abderian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'You might chase the stars in the sky Lou, but I will chase them here on the ground.’</p><p>Louis has dedicated his life to becoming an astronaut, and exploring among the stars. Niall became an entomologist and chases fireflies on the ground. Liam is an engineer who compares mechanics to music. And Harry is a nature photographer, who doesn't believe that Niall truly appreciates the beauty of nature, because science is all logic and art is all emotion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	reaching for the stars but catching fireflies

It was dark, the moonlight cutting a soft path through the downtrodden reeds and overhanging branches. Laughter chimed, tinkling along with the wind, the innocence of a child, as Louis watched the smaller boy balance precariously atop the fallen log, moss already creeping along the mottled wood.

Fingers grasped tree trunks, swinging between the even spaces, and the gentle hum of summer kissing the back of the laughing boys necks as they jumped into a puddle left behind by the afternoon storm. The sky was clear now, yet still inky black fading to orange, too early for the stars to join the moon in the evening sky.

They were running, feet kicking against the damp ground, laughing with the careless abandon of youth. When you are nine and seven, the world is so simple. The stretch of woods, and your parent’s warnings to be careful echo uselessly, fading away to the chirp of crickets and the humid stretch of ground, the heat lingering from the day, and the slowly drying leaves, mingling with the soft creep of night-time air, the gentle cooling touch on red cheeks, hot from running, jumping and laughing.

Niall’s sticky fingers closed around Louis, and Louis could still smell the vanilla ice-cream. The smaller boy had sat, feet swinging, blue eye impossibly big as he told Louis about the lights. He had been so fascinated, attention to the ice-cream was forgotten as it slipped and dripped over the cone and to the ground, leaving sticky, sugary trails down Niall’s small hands.

‘They are like the stars Lou, and I know how much you love the stars. Like little stars that we can catch. I can give you the stars Lou.’

He sounded so proud, Irish lilt becoming more pronounced as he puffed his tiny chest out, blue eyes staring unwaveringly at him. Louis had reached out and took the ice-cream from his hands, grabbing a shirt that had been thrown against the fence when the boys had run to the pool earlier, and gently wiped at those small hands, trying to clean them.

They had waited, watching the sun slowly sink, the sky painting and erasing so many canvases, a pale blue, then pink to orange, and when finally the dusky ink settled across the borders, slowly bleeding in toward the horizon, did they leave. Tiny feet digging into the ground, as Niall had dragged Louis from his feet and through the tiny garden gate, into the winding path of the forest that scared neither boy, but simply fed their imagination.

The tall perfectly spaced trees had lined the path, worn through the reeds and bluebells by the feet of all before them. The gentle hoot of the waking owls wished them luck on their journey, to find the fallen stars.

They could hear the gentle trickle of the stream before they reached it, nature’s game of hopscotch as the jumped and twirled on the rocks, slick with water and slippery with weed. Yet they never once fell, so assured with their tiny steps, water slashing gently at their ankles as they crossed.

‘Almost there.’ Was the hurried whisper that crossed Niall’s lips, his face pale and contrasting against his dark hair in the moonlight. Louis could feel the tremble of excitement as he was pulled forward, to a clearing where the bluebells danced merrily in the breeze and the birch trees, strong and eerie, the moonlight reflecting off their trunks, casting the grove in a soft light.

Niall pulled him down, the bluebells curling around their small bodies, and they just waited, staring at the skies.

‘Look Lou, the first star.’

With the superiority born from the fact he was elder by almost two years, Louis pointed his finger to the sky.

‘It’s actually not a star Niall, it’s a planet. Venus or Jupiter, I can never remember.’

He looked over, the smaller boy watching him with rapt attention, sitting now with his knees drawn to his chest, mouth caught in a half open smile, and eyes bright with admiration.

‘Tell me about how you are going to see the stars one day, tell me Lou.’

And Louis sighed, fingers closing around the bright light in the distance.

‘One day I will go to space Ni, I will look outside the window and see nothing but stars. I will look down and see Earth, I might even wave to you.’

Niall giggled, waving his hand in Louis’ face.

‘You better wave to me! Just wait, my stars will be here soon.’

And so they waited, two children nestled in the bluebells, when the first light appeared. It was a soft glow, luminescent, as it floated closer, hovering just beyond their reach. Louis could see the soft glow on Niall’s face, casting shadows under his dark hair, and reflecting in his eyes, a childlike wonder, lips parted as though caught in an inhale of surprise.

‘Aren’t they beautiful Lou?’

Niall stood, sticky fingers brushing the leaves, the tiny flower heads of the tall bluebells knocking against his chest. And suddenly the lights were everywhere. The tiny grove, alight with the buzz of insects, the lights dancing and Niall spinning, fingers reaching to the skies. And then he stopped, and looking at Louis with a smile so bright.

‘You might chase the stars in the sky Lou, but I will chase them here on the ground.’

 

 

* * *

 

 

He sat in the mismatched chairs, fingers running across the small silver bucket which held packets of sugar, his gaze caught between the serene comfort of the café and the cold linoleum floor and the restroom sign hanging from the ceiling. His foot bounced next to his carry on, his actual luggage had already been checked in, and Niall had found himself in the Pikeos Café waiting for his flight to the airport at Iquitos.

He had landed at Jorge Chavez Airport at some ridiculous hour that morning, and his face had that itchy tiredness that felt as though his skin was pulled to tight and his eyes were watering from the effort to keep them open. He never slept well on planes, especially before an expedition, and the promises of the Amazon had kept his mind whirling with possibilities.

He had told the nature photographer that had been assigned to help him on his expedition to meet him at this café, but as he sipped on his too strong coffee, eyes wandering across each person that stumbled down the white hallway, he wondered just who he would be meeting.

A young man, with hair tumbling down his shoulders, and his legs ensnared in skinny jeans stumbled into the café, still rubbing sleep from his eyes, as he walked to the counter to order himself a tea. Niall noted the camera bag slung over his shoulder, and stood, walking over to the other with the utmost confidence.

‘Harry Styles.’

He spoke the name like he knew who he was speaking too, and the man turned, his green eyes wide and mouth contorted with confusion, until his thoughts finally caught up and he settled his face into an uneasy smile, eyes darting over Niall, and the entomologist could see the gears turning as Harry decided on his first impression of him.

‘I’m Niall Horan, I was starting to wonder when you would show up, our flight leaves in half an hour, so we should be getting to the gate for boarding, well, now.’

He knew it was abrupt, and from the creases in Harry’s cheeks and his clothes, it was obvious the other had only just landed, but Niall was tired, and anxious, and he didn’t want to sit around in this café any longer, when his expedition was only hours away.

He brusquely held out his hand to Harry, under the pretence of shaking it. Harry hesitated, before grabbing it, nose crinkling as Niall’s grip tightened, and he was pulled out of the café with a quick apology to the staff behind the counter, stopping only long enough for Niall to grab his carry on.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Johannah was sat toward the front of the bus, talking quietly to an elderly gentleman with a rough Scottish accent, trying desperately to ignore the steady beat of her son kicking the back of her chair. She had to go to America for some business, and immediately her eldest son had sat himself at her feet, thirteen years old, but forcing those blue eyes impossibly wide and lip trembling she had caved and agreed to bring him along.

She hadn’t expected the next day to have a small Irish boy attached himself to her hand, swinging and smiling up so brightly that she could remember the toddler she had first met. Louis had then grabbed her other hand, and the combined begging, and a reluctant sigh from Maura, Johannah was off to Orlando with two rambunctious children, who had not stopped talking since the tickets had been bought.

One location each, that’s what they had been told, they could pick one place to go. NASA. Louis hadn’t even taken a breath, the letters a well-worn chant. He knew where he wanted to go, where he was always going. And as Johannah looked upon the determined face, the slightest hint of his father’s cheekbones hinted under the childlike roundness of his face, she had simply smiled and said of course.

Niall had simply pouted when asked where to go, and with the innocence of a child, tilted his head and asked questionably if they could go to Disney World. She had just picked him up, resting him against her hip as though he was her child and nodded. He was still so small for eleven, and from across the room she could see Maura smile, those wrinkles that her painted her forehead over the past months slowly fading. They would be returning to Ireland soon, their monthly trek to the Tomlinson household almost over. She and Maura had meet in college, and their tongue in cheek approach to learning had bought them together, best friends, same as their sons.

It was hard to forget, Louis with his red cheeks and unsteady steps, and bowl cut that fell across his eyebrows, as he approached the small bundle. Niall had lay sleeping in his mother’s arms, the tiny drops of the tears he had screamed himself to sleep with clinging to his lashes, and a shock of dark brown hair covered his head. But as he scrunched up his tiny button nose, Louis laid his hands on the blanket and smiled down, before looking at Johannah, and with the extensive vocabulary of a two year old, said mine.

And every time they met growing up, she would watch as Louis marched, Niall stumbling behind him, following him with awe in his eyes. She can’t so for certain when the dynamic changed, when she realised that it was just as important for Louis to have Niall follow him as it was for Niall to follow.

And now they were on the bus, Maura happily taking care of Lottie in exchange for Johannah taking Niall. A tour guide chatting animatedly at the front, joking and telling them the best way to see all of the Kennedy Space Centre. She glanced behind, distracting herself from the endless drone of her Scottish companion, to see Louis practically bouncing on his seat, Niall smiling at the boundless enthusiasm of his friend.

‘And if you look to the left you’ll see some alligators.’

Suddenly Niall was no longer looking at Louis, rather plastering himself to the window, eyes wide as he stared at the shallow expense of water, only the nostrils of the alligator evident above the surface. He stayed like that until the bus pulled into the parking lot, staring at each plant and body of water, eyes darting between the birds, and the gentle splash of fish flopping in the water. It was no secret, Johannah thought to herself, that that boy loved nature just as much as Louis loved the stars.

There was a slosh of puddles patterning the ash felt, left over from the early morning downpour which had given way for the humid morning. They barely had time to see the NASA statue before they were being hustled into a room with their tour group. The bus driver had kept promising a surprise, and while she had sat back, feeling no excitement, she could feel Louis bouncing his knees next to her.

‘Jo, what do you think it will be? Do you think it will be an alligator?’ Niall had tugged at her sleeve, and she reached over, trying to flatten his mop of dark brown hair, and laughingly shook her head. If she was sure of anything, they wouldn’t bring an alligator into the room, it just didn’t make sense.

She hadn’t realised that while she had been distracted, a power point presentation had started, talking generally about space and space travel, before a man in his late sixties walked onto the stage, dressed in an American jumpsuit.

‘This is the surprise for all of you, a real life astronaut, this right here is Colonel Frederick Gregory.’

The Colonel thanked their tour guide for the introduction, before speaking of his life, how he had achieved an undergraduate degree in Military Engineering at the United States Air Force Academy, and had flown a number or rescue missions in Vietnam. He told them that he was the first African-American to pilot a space craft, when he flew the orbiter Challenger in mission STS-51B. He continued talking, holding himself tall and proud, his voice that soothing tone that commanded respect, and then he was gone, letting them know that his presentation and lunch with an astronaut would be held later that day if anyone wanted to know more.

‘He was a real life astronaut mum.’ Louis’ was full of hero worship and awe, and was adamant that he was going to learn everything about the astronaut, because it was the first time that he had seen someone achieve his dream, it was someone tangible.

From the room they were taken to another bus, one that would do a loop of the more restricted areas, where the engineers built the shuttles and the launch pads stood so tall, that Anne could close her eyes and imagine a rocket ship waiting to take flight.

‘This is where all the human driven missions are launched, out at Cape Canaveral is where they launch all the mechanical based missions. Currently they are in the process of building a new launch pad. The current aim of NASA is to send humans to Mars, and while this is many years off, scientists expect that it will occur in our working lifetime.’

Louis had tugged on Johannah’s sleeve then, whispering how that would be him, he would be on the mission to Mars, and he would do everything and anything he needed to make it. And Niall beside him had nodded, with complete faith that Louis would one day go to Mars.

He had taken off running when they finally made it back to the visitor centre, drawn to the towering rocket garden. He weaved between the tall mechanical structures, hands brushing against the cold metal. He knew that these particular crafts had never made it too space, but if he closed his eyes, Louis could feel the thrum of life as the ignition caught, the distant countdown as mission control watched each of the mechanics come online.

Opening his eyes, to his left he saw a flash of orange, a short scaffolding toward the edge of the garden. He took quick steps, reaching the sign and seeing that this was a piece of scaffold that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin had walked along, and now that Louis Tomlinson had walked along. He took a breath, fingers braced on the rail as he stepped up onto the painted metal, the clang under foot as he walked slowly but purposely. Ahead he could see the opened latch, the entry to his future. One day he would walk along a walkway that was much higher, to a ship that wasn’t imaginary.

‘Lou, your ma wants to go and grab something to eat.’

His illusion shattered as he looked at Niall, the smaller boy standing at the base of the walkway, looking through the metal rails with a slight impatience that suggested he had been calling to his friend for some time.

By the time they had trudged back to the hotel that night, Niall and Johannah had a cranky edge, bought on by tiredness from the long day, whilst Louis was still riding in the stars, fingers brushing along the replica of the Atlantis shuttle he had bought in the gift store, his hair crushed under a cap with the NASA symbol splashed across the front. The next day they were going to Magic Kingdom, the traditional must do when in Orlando, and then it was back home.

While Louis had bemoaned the fact that Disney World was for little girls, causing Niall to kick him in the shins, it was hard not to be impressed when he saw Cinderella’s Castle, the tall ornate building towering tall above the rest of the park. He had even slyly asked Niall if they could get a picture together, completely so that Niall would be able to remember his time to the park, and not because he was in awe of the magic that was so tangible.

Johannah had teasingly asked the boys if they wanted to line up to get a photo with one of the Disney princesses, but the joke had turned on her as she shifted her feet, wondering if the line was going to move anytime soon, as the boys excitedly pointed to Donald Duck a few metres ahead, pulling on the hat of some girl.

When it was finally their turn, Donald had held out a wing for a high five, leaving Louis looking on blankly, and shrugging at Niall as he wasn’t sure what to do. After forcefully grabbing Louis hand into a high five, Donald had thrown a tantrum, only to forget it moments later and jump in front of both the boys, arms spread wide and the centre of attention as the camera snapped. Niall hadn’t stopped laughing at the Duck’s antics, and as him and Louis posed for the proper photo, the smile on both the boy’s faces was completely genuine.

However, it was the Jungle Safari ride that completely enamoured Niall. The wait line was a British outpost in the Amazon Rainforest, and for once Niall felt the line moved too fast as he looked at all the artefacts, and the giant caged robotic tarantula near the front. He had stepped on board the boat, the guide at the front cracking terrible pun after terrible pun, which left Niall giggling as the boat left the dock and traversed the rivers of the world. The animatronics were believable, and Niall had stared at the world in wonder, as the guide had announced that they had reached the Amazon River. Adorning the beds were butterflies, their wings supposedly a foot wide, and Niall wanted to reach out and touch their wings, the thick green foliage falling into the water, and it was then that he knew that while he wanted to chase fireflies, he also wanted to study all insects, and maybe one day his studies would lead him to the real Amazon River.

 

* * *

 

 

The boat rocked, tilted ever so gently by the breeze the whistled under the dreary clouds that promised a misting of rain. Harry sat, knees pulled to his chest, camera nestled in his hands, staring across the dark water, the reeds and weeds tangling along the riverbed, and the odd chattering of some animal unseen echoing in the untamed trees. This was why he became a nature photographer, to feel the cold kiss of a coming storm, to hear the poetry of nature untouched, and for his eyes to capture frame after frame of something so ethereal, that the images left on his camera would simply never do justice.

He could hear Niall talking to the captain, that faint Irish voice being grabbed and thrown by the wind before Harry could understand any of the words. He looked over, eyes finally observing the man he was going to be with for the next few weeks, with little more than their backpacks and his camera.

The other was blond, but he could see the brunette roots, twisting into the icy tips, and he wondered how Niall would look in a few weeks, when his hair had grown, twisting around the nape of his neck, the brown long enough to contrast against that pale skin with a pink glow. A pair of glasses rested on his nose, thick black frames around his eyes, which were blue.

Blue and so innately intelligent, he could see how they followed the path of a lone dragonfly as it kissed the surface of the water, how they flickered to the face of the man whom he was conversing with, Harry now realised, in Spanish, smile bright and wide as his hands gestured and flicked widely, the captain nodding and laughing with ease.

He sighed, breathing the rich earthly smell of clotting clay along the river beds, and the smell of the rain on the horizon. It was one of his favourite smells, that damp aroma that he never could quite describe, and was one he was sure to get used to in the rainforest. Petrichor that was the word that he stumbled over time and time again. He could still remember telling his mother how much he loved the smell of the rain, on a dreary Holmes Chapel afternoon, one he could still picture if he looked to the sky, the thick green canopy only crowding the edges of his vision as he stared at the marbled clouds. She was the one who had told him the word, how she came to know it he never knew, but it was one of those words, one that you would repeat over and over in your mind, rolling the last syllable like the distant rumble of thunder.

He was fiddling with his lens cap, when he felt the air shift around him, his hair which had been tangling in the breeze softly drifting down to surround his face. Looking up, he was caught into those deep blue eyes, wondering what secrets hid beneath those mirrors that he could see his own face reflected in. Aware that he was being spoken to, he pulled himself from his thoughts.

“-we should be docking in like ten minutes so make sure you’ve got all your stuff ready to go. If you have a poncho might want to pull it on because we will be getting straight to work, rain doesn’t bother the critters you know.”

There was a jaunt to his step as he turned away, and Harry felt the scowl cross his face. Regardless of how intelligent the other man was, they were equals on this expedition, and it wouldn’t go well with him playing second fiddle to a young entomologist who spent his days poking at bugs. He quickly tried to remove the image of Niall, glasses askew on his head, a blue pen in his fingers, crouched down, his tongue poking between his teeth, lips pink from being licked, as he poked at a wandering lady bug on a single strand of grass.

His fingers looped through the fabric strap of his bag, pulling it out from under the seat, and standing, pulling his body toward the sky and feeling the stretch through his joints as he uncurled from the position he had been in for the better part of the boat trip.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next time Louis was visited Orlando he was alone. He had got onto a bus and sat staring at the passing landscape as he travelled down the east coast, his mother staying behind in Washington DC. It had been a week of spitting words and silent tears, and he felt terrible for forcing his mother to take steps she never wanted to take. When his father had left, she had sworn to never talk to him again, no man who could place their own self-interest above their family, who could disappear into the dark of the night with only a typed, impersonal goodbye letter and half signed divorce papers, was worth her time.

But to become an astronaut, to be admitted to NASA, Louis needed to be an American citizen. And his father, whilst he may have given Louis his cheekbones and his biting attitude, he also, inevitably and completely accidently had left behind a chance for his son to fulfil his dream. Louis could still remember that brusque Boston accent of his childhood, the face long faded, but the voice remaining. He knew his father was American, and to America he had returned, never looking back to the streets of Doncaster and his family. And Louis hated to do it, but he asked his mother, asked her to help him claim his birthright as a duel citizen of both England and America by birth.

The courts had been thorough, demanding more than a simple birth certificate and a copy of marriage and divorce papers. The needed a blood test, proving paternity beyond irrefutable doubt before they would be willing to extend a citizenship through parents.

Johannah had known where Louis’ grandparents used to live, but nothing more, so they had hopped on a plane, and knocked gingerly on the door of the faded suburban house. Louis knew by the way his mother withered when a middle aged women opened the door they were not here. But the lady, with curls falling lose around her face, and hazel eyes that were full of warmth, saw their dejected faces she invited them inside, and they sat and enjoyed a tea, whilst Louis animatedly told Carol about his attempts for US Citizenship and NASA. The atmosphere was warm and welcoming, until the mug of tea slipped from his mother fingers, the smashed porcelain scarring the carefully polished wooden floor and the tea staining the rug that adorned the floor in the centre of the room.

Louis may not have recognised the man in front of him, but when he spoke, that gruff voice washed from his memories.

‘Johannah? What are you doing here?’

Louis didn’t know what he had expected from his father, but it wasn’t the man who stood before him. Tall and imposing, he was all angles and bones, skin stretched taunt of thin wiry muscles, and his eyes a sharp hazel. His hair, which Louis could see had once been thick, was receding, and he couldn’t help but run fingers through his own fringe, and hope that genetics had not dealt him that card.

Nobody had spoken since his father had greeted his mother, and Louis looked to Carol, seeing the women frozen, mouth pursed and eyebrows creased as she stared into her tea, as though looking for the answers for the mistakes she had made. It was then Louis realised there was another women in his family, that she was the other women, the reason that he had been left behind, and a sour taste curled around his tongue. He longed for Niall, for someone that he could vent and complain to, but Niall was in Dublin, and Louis was too worked up to calculate the time difference, so instead he just sat, twisting his fingers as his mother and father awkwardly talked.

Carol excused herself not long after, with an overly exaggerated look at the clock and an excuse that she had somewhere else to be, and once she left it was as though the tension boiled over, neither party worried about appearing irrational.

It was reminiscent of one night in his childhood, when Niall was staying in his room, the younger supposedly already asleep, and the distant summer chirp of cicadas mingling with the crash and yells from another room in the house. Louis had distracted himself, shaking Niall awake, spinning a lie that the other boy had been having a nightmare. Niall had stared at him with those too blue eyes that stared right through him, as though he knew the truth, but then he relaxed, lip wobbling and telling Louis about a dream that Louis wasn’t even sure happened, but it was a distraction, and together he and Niall had endured the storm of his parents rage.

A year later, it was Niall who held him while he cried, asking why his father didn’t love him. It was one of the few times that Niall had shown his strength, had allowed himself the carry the burden for both of them, and Louis only allowed him to shoulder it for a short amount of time, before stubbornly grabbing it back, determined to not lose his role as protector. But right now, as his parents screamed, bought back together only for his dreams, he wanted Niall, he wanted a protector.

That was how he had found himself on a bus, going to the only place where he would be able to think. His mother had sighed when he told her she was going, but pressed a credit card to his hands, and told him to be safe, to call her when he made it and he had better be back in a few days otherwise she was never going to sign off on his citizenship, and they could go back to Doncaster.

It was familiar, a childhood memory that had played across his dreams many times, as he stepped through the garden, the tall rockets silhouetted across the cloudy sky. He heard someone step up beside him, and he glanced over to the tall and broad man.

‘Beautiful aren’t they, completely hollow but just think of the mechanics of the ones that really go into space.’

Louis had been in America for a few weeks, and had grown accustomed to the drawl, and was shocked to hear the familiar tones of home. The other boy looked down at him, surveying his smaller form with warm brown eyes, and Louis noted the tattoos on the boys arm.

‘I’m Liam, future NASA engineer.’

He held out his hand, and Louis met his grip, a firm handshake exchanged between them.

‘Louis, future NASA astronaut.’

Their conversation quickly spiralled, with Louis talking about space and physics and Liam talking about mechanics and chemistry and they both talked about engineering, about how science had bought them to a time when gears and gases allowed them to take to the skies. Liam had no desire to reach for the stars, he wanted to keep his feet firmly planted on the ground, but he wanted to send part of himself into space with the ships he helped to build.

He talked animatedly about how so many scientific developments had come from space travel, and he wanted access to the highest and most advanced technology, he wanted to help pushing humankind forward, developing better and faster mechanics to improve quality of life.

Louis listened, his mind caught by the melody as Liam compared mechanics to music. If everything was finely tuned and well maintained, if they right hands reached of the play the notes, the result would be a symphony of engineering. But all it took was one flat chord and the entire thing would screech to a failure.

Louis found himself telling Liam about Niall and how as children he would point out the stars to his younger friend and tell him that one day he would dance among them. It was an instant and easy friendship, and as they sat in the café, a bowl of fries between them, Louis realised that they weren’t even talking about space anymore, but lazily flowing from conversations about mundane things with the effortless ease of people who had known each other for years.

The conversation petered off as Louis noted the name advertised for the lunch with an astronaut, and gently excused himself, letting Liam know he would be back in a few minutes.

As he walked through the door, he could see the man ahead, packing up and ready to leave, but still very much there. Louis cleared his throat, awkwardly shuffling his feet, as the older man looked up.

‘I know you’re busy, and probably need to go, but I just wanted some advice, and when I found out it was you who was here today, well let’s just say you’re someone I admire. You were the first ever real astronaut I saw when I was a kid.’

Colonel Frederick Gregory smiled down at the teenage in front of him, seeing the bright gleam in his eyes that he had seen in so many young astronauts that had come through the centre. He took a seat, indicating for Louis to join him.

‘You know, I didn’t become an astronaut because it was a childhood dream of mine.’

His voice was slow, with a gentle timber and authoritative tone that commanded respect but also soothed Louis nerves, it was the voice of a leader.

‘There was an advertisement that called for people to apply to be an astronaut, and I had been a fighter pilot at the time, and this next step was something exciting and fun, and I wanted to be able to contribute something back. I can tell though for you this is something you have dreamed of since your childhood. ’

Louis nodded nervously, ‘You’re right, I’ve never even considered not being an astronaut, and I’m actively chasing it, right now I’m trying to get my dual citizenship through. But I’m worried, I mean what if I do all of this, and I don’t make it, my life would have been building to nothing…’

Louis hesitated, swallowing, ‘… and I feel like I’ve made my mother waste her life trying to achieve my dreams.’

A hand rested on his shoulder, a warm smile crinkling at the edges of the Colonel’s warm eyes.

‘Let me tell you a story, I was a chief cap-con during the Challenger disaster, I watched the entire thing happen, all these people, these friends, I had worked with died before me in seconds. I regret not pushing the button and saying God Speed Challenger, it was just a terrible day. After we closed the doors to mission control we spent hours wondering if there was something we should have seen, something we should have done, but there was nothing we could had done. It was a horrible day, but yet we still flew shuttles and we still went to space. You cannot let fear stop you, if we had let fear stop us we wouldn’t be here today.’

There was a slight tremble in his voice, and Louis felt the lump in his throat, remembering the nostalgia and the burn in his eyes as he had walked through the memorial to those who died upon the Challenger. He remembered how he had let out a choked laugh as he saw the Star Trek memorabilia that one crew member’s family had donated to be displayed, unable to help but to imagine the child with the Star Trek lunchbox telling all his friends about how one day he would conquer space, only to be lost to its clutches forever. And before him sat a man that had to watch it happen, had to watch his friends that he had worked beside, preparing for the mission, watch them disappear into the sky within seconds, and know there was nothing he could have done to stop it. To Louis it seemed unfair now to allow his fear of failure to stop him from trying.

He smiled shyly, looking up at the Colonel, ‘Do you mind if I ask you one more thing?’ At the slight nod, Louis relaxed, looking up at the elder man with a gaze full of awe.

‘What do you value most about your time as an astronaut?’

The astronaut let out a gentle laugh, ‘That’s actually a very easy question to answer. When I first launched, I thought I knew everything, I thought I knew the answer to everything. I thought I had seen everything, and that this was just going to be kind of a thrill ride for me. But when I got to orbit, and the main engines cut off and I went from three g to zero g and my arms floated and everything around me was floating, I had never anticipated anything like that. And when I looked out the window at the heavens, and saw how orderly and how in harmony it was, I said to myself, god has put that there for me to see. And I looked down at earth, and see the interaction and reaction of the water and the atmosphere, the dirt the continents down there, how all of those years of studying suddenly became clear to me. I came back as a world citizen, not just a citizen of Washington DC.’

He once again clasped Louis shoulder, a warm smile, a passing of the torch, ‘One day young man, you will look out that window and experience that too.’

 

* * *

 

 

The crunch of fallen branches broke the silence as they stumbled through the lush greenery, Harry’s fingers brushing along the wide leaves of the ferns that hung across their invisible path. There was no real direction, a map and a compass, with a general understanding that to the north east was an outlook where they would convene in a few day before setting out again. Until then the plan, from what Harry could gather, was to stumble blindly and hope to find a specimen.

It was for these reasons that he hated to work alongside scientists. What beauty was there in looking at everything so analytically, to mar a photograph with statistics and words? Harry was at his freest when it was just him, settled upon a rock in the African Savanna, camera zoomed, capturing the silhouette of a zebra, head bowed to a tiny colt, long spindly legs shaking as they stood for the first time. Or in the Arctic tundra in the far reaches of Canada, with a lone arctic fox standing tall among the frozen brambles, the sky impossibly clear and the sun bright yet cold. Or the sweeping red desert of Australia, with the unassuming thorny devil lizard laid against the burning sand, the heat visible in the background of the photo. That was Harry’s calling, not following behind an academic, who pointed out a photo, with no understanding of lighting or emotion.

There was a movement in the corner of his eye, and Harry had the camera away from his chest immediately, facing toward the canopy in time to capture a small monkey glancing down. It had happened so fast, but Harry had heard the shutter and knew he had the image, and he would look at it in greater detail that night. He hoped it was clear, a slight paranoia and superstition based on the quality of his first photo. If the photo was good, it was a sign that the rest of the trip would prove just as illuminating. Twice, in all his photographic expeditions, had a photo turned out disappointing, and both times Harry had returned from his expedition with sore feet, a bad back, and a catalogue of photos that nobody was willing to buy or print.

He turned to call to Niall, to ask if the other had seen the monkey scamper overhead, but the blond had not hesitated, and Harry found himself taking rapid long strides to catch up.

‘You missed it.’

He couldn’t help the accusing tone, his disappointment that Niall had yet to prove himself different from all the other academics he had been forced to follow in his career. Niall may have been younger than most, and his laughter and spirit more open, but all Harry could see was the same simple minded approach that failed to appreciate the surroundings.

‘Missed what?’

Niall glanced up at him, and Harry made sure to draw himself taller, emphasising those few inches, trying to gain a sense of superiority which had evaded him since he had met the other at the airport.

‘The monkey that just rushed over our heads, I didn’t see what type, but I got a photo so I’ll work it out later.’

Whatever Harry was expecting, it wasn’t the crestfallen look on Niall’s face, as those blue eyes looked so clearly at him. Niall’s lips pulled down in a frown, quirking at his cheeks, and his nose screwing up as he tilted his head, still considering Harry.

‘I’m sorry.’

For what he was sorry he didn’t say, turning and continuing the walk through the undergrowth, fingers curling behind him as he indicated for Harry to continue following.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Niall’s eyes were darting across the paper, red ink already having scribbling across so many things he had to edit. This was his first academic paper, not the first he had written, but the first to be printed in a major entomology journal. His expedition to Scotland to investigate the suspected breeding species of dragonfly had discovered a colony of _Libellula depressa,_ or a Broad-bodied Chaser.

The species was common to Southern England and Wales, and despite hypothesis by various entomologists, it was Niall who had discovered proof of their existence in Scotland. His fingers brushed against the fragile wings of the samples he had collected, pined to a board, not yet covered with glass.

What was supposed to be a short excursion for his own interests, had turned into deep research, visiting the various known colonies across the south of the United Kingdom, determining whether there had been any evolutionary differences to the Scottish colony. Minor colouring differences had been found, as well as a slightly adapted breeding period. _Atropos_ had heard of Niall’s breakthrough, and had offered him a reasonable amount to print his findings exclusively in their journal, which was entirely for Lepidoptera and Odonata, that is butterflies and dragonflies.

It was so rare for an academic, so fresh from graduation to have such a great opportunity, and Niall needed it to be perfect. If he could get this piece right he had one foot in the door, and with greater funding and opportunities, he might actually be able to dedicate his entire time to his research, without needing to pull weekly shifts at the local café. That café had been good to him, when he had stumbled into Keele, the prospective fees to pay for his PhD in Entomology already weighing heavily on his mind.

He had worked as a barista in the time that he had been in Dublin, working toward his Bachelor in Zoology. It was never easy, finding the time and focus to complete his degree with Honours, but the hum of the customers as they talked easily to him across the counter always soothed his racing mind. It was an escape, a reminder that there was a world outside the wild, untamed animal kingdom, and Niall liked people. He liked being able to talk and connect to someone, to find out how their daughters dance recital had gone, or whether their son still had his arm in a cast, or whether they had got that new job they had applied for. And the customers always asked back, questioning him about his exams and showing genuine joy when Niall bashfully admitted to receiving a high distinction yet again.

There was a screech of tyres in the street below, enough to make Niall cross his eyes, the words going blurry as he pinched his nose, taking a deep breath and trying to refocus. He was just crossing out another spelling error, much to his own chagrin, what was the point of spellcheck if it didn’t check anything, when his door was forced open.

He didn’t need to look up to know who it was, Louis never knocked, not when Niall was living next door, children flittering between both houses with little concept of where one family stopped and the other started, not when he had moved back to Ireland, a tiny single accommodation room on campus, that Niall had begged for a second key to and had then handed that key to Louis, to make sure the older boy could come and go as he please. Not that he came very often, his focus solely on his Bachelor of Engineering at Cambridge, majoring in Aeronautical and Aerothermal engineering. Niall still remembered the day that Louis had been offered a place in the prestigious university. In a field as competitive as space travel, Louis had needed to focus in a way that Niall never did, stretching himself thin between engineering degrees, and receiving his pilot’s license. While Niall had found himself back in England, Keele University, for his degree, Louis had accepted nothing less than the best, and had managed to worm himself into a Master of Science in Mechanical Engineering at Massachusetts Institute Of Technology, and then into their PhD program. Last Niall knew the older boy was still in his final year of study in the state, but he looked up, meeting the flushed cheeks and wide grin of his best friend.

‘NASA, they offered me a position! The National Aeronautics and Space Admission offered me a place in the Astronaut Candidacy! I start training next year. Niall I’m going to space, I’m going to the stars!’

That was how it was, no hello, straight to the point, and Niall had stood, abandoning his half-finished edit to wrap his arms around Louis. As he felt Louis cold nose brush against his collarbone, he was hit by the realisation that he was taller. For years he had looked up to the other boy, eyes trailing across that angular face, watching the shadows that his cheekbones cast as he looked up to the sky, eyes closed in contemplation, just feeling the wind brush over his face and pretend he was flying.

Niall had always looked up to Louis, and now, to have him fit so comfortably in his arms, Niall was aware of the shift in the dynamic, he was no longer in total awe, sitting Louis so comfortably on a pedestal, brushing away the cobwebs and polishing the glass. He still sat on that pedestal, but now he relaxed, not a statue, reaching down, as though to pull Niall up to his level. This was it they were both going to achieve their dreams.

They were both going to the stars.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

‘I messed up Niall.’ They were in London, although Louis should be in Kazakhstan, doing last minute preparations before the shuttle took off next week. But he had called, regardless of international charges, and told Niall he needed to see him, he needed to talk to him in person, so Niall had got in his car and drove the three hours before realising that there was another four before Louis’ flight would arrive. He had fallen asleep, uncomfortably curled in a plastic waiting chair, oblivious to the Heathrow crowd until Louis had nudged him awake.

They had walked silently back to Niall’s car, the blond man cursing when he realised how much money parking in the airport for close to five hours had cost him, but still Louis didn’t speak until they were in the car, pulled over in the carpark for some McDonalds deep in London.

‘I messed up.’

He kept repeating the words, swallowing, eyes darting around, as if hoping to find the words he needed there, but he didn’t. Louis could feel Niall’s gaze, curious and wary at first but fast becoming impatient, his knee knocking the steering wheel and fingers twisting through his hair as he waited for Louis to continue.

‘You know Briana…’ Louis swallowed again, looking at the grey ceiling of the roof, noting the tiny pattern of diamonds woven into the fabric.

Niall nodded, realising immediately that Louis was not looking at him. Yes he knew Briana, Louis had skyped him the day he had met the girl, talking about how much he loved her, describing her long blonde hair and her laugh, and Niall had to ignore the bitter taste in his mouth. He wasn’t jealous, that’s what he told himself, he just hated seeing Louis throw himself into another relationship, one that was clearly a rebound for Eleanor. Niall couldn’t understand how Louis could be so willing to love so soon after his last love had finished, and if he allowed himself that tiny sliver of truth, he was hurt. It was like confirmation that he had to swallow the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach every time Louis smiled his way.

‘What about her?’ He prodded softly, and Louis sobbed. Heartbreaking, catching in his throat, but the tears didn’t fall, just stared at the ceiling, glassy.

‘She’s pregnant.’

Once he had said those two words he couldn’t stop, fingers curling desperately against Niall’s shirt, as the London weather turned and the soft patter of rain against the windscreen kept the rhythm in the background.

‘Niall what do I do? I’m going to be on that space station for one year, that’s the whole first year of their life and I’m going to have a son or a daughter or maybe neither and they’ll define their own gender, but I won’t know, I won’t be there. How can I not be there? What if I’m not allowed to see them when I come back? What if I come back and I need to leave again, for a longer mission? I won’t see their first steps or their first words, they’ll probably go to pre-school and see all the other fathers and wonder where their dad is. And it’s only been a month, a month Niall, how could I be so stupid.’

He looked so broken, eyes fractured, pieces of blue glass thrown against the floor, and Niall was looking at an empty pedestal, Louis having fallen to the ground below, where Niall could only look down at him and not up.

‘I don’t want my child to grow up without their father, I don’t want to be my father.’

That was the real problem, and Niall knew there was no right answer. Louis feared commitment and he was forever haunted by his own father leaving him behind, never to speak another word. The fear that he would become the man he hated most was so potent that he was willing to forget everything, forget the dreams of a child, and cut his wings so he would stay grounded forever on earth.

There was no right answer, Louis was going to hurt both ways, and Briana was going to hurt both ways.

‘You need to talk to her Lou. You need to go into space, be a father that that child can be proud of. When other children say where your dad is, they can say he is an astronaut, he is exploring among the stars. And every night, Bri and your child can sit and look out the window and say goodnight, and remember that you will return to them. If you don’t go you will regret it, your entire life has built up to this moment. Talk to Bri, you can work this out.’

Louis hiccupped, his fingers trembling as he clenched them into fists, but as he took a deep breath, eyes closed, he stilled.

‘You’re right.’

He still hadn’t opened his eyes, but his hands unfurled from their fists as sat loosely on his lap.

‘You’re right Niall, I need to go back now. Would you be able to drive me to their airport?’ There was a slight laugh to the end of his question, the ridiculousness that he had flown over eight hours to cry in Niall’s car for an hour was enough that they both started to laugh. The hysteria from overwrought emotions and situations that were so far removed from normal that they just needed to laugh.

As they pulled back into the airport, Niall’s car lingering in the drop off bay, he waited until Louis’ hand was twisting on the door to speak.

‘You’ll make a great father.’ It was barely a whisper, but his face was so open, his eyes so honest, that Louis felt his eyes burn, threatening to cry again. He just licked his lip, smile twitching against the corners of his mouth, and leaned across to press a kiss to Niall’s forehead.

‘Thanks Nialler.’

And then he was gone, lost to the Heathrow crowds.

 

* * *

 

 

Harry sat upon a fallen log, watching as the final golden drops of sunlight fell through the trees. Niall was still within the tent, an unnatural blue eyesore against the never ending pallet of greens and browns. Absentmindedly he flicked through the pictures, smiling as he saw the first picture, the small monkey he now recognised as a golden lion tamarin, who had scampered across the branches above his head. Niall had missed him, but Harry had reacted with the ease of an experienced photographer, long fingers adjusting the zoom and focus, camera poised above him, snapping at the exact moment that tamarin had glanced down curiously, its feet curled around the mossy branch, before it disappeared into the foliage.

After that single image though, each frame on his camera was inexplicably Niall’s. It was as though he has allowed his senses to roam, desperate to avoid the disappointment that his initial failure had cause.

Harry realised he hadn’t noticed Niall leave the tent, the gentle clasp of Niall’s hand on his shoulder, and the warmth of the other weight as he leaned forward, looking over his shoulder at the image displayed on the camera.

Harry had not changed it since it came up, he couldn’t stop looking at the simplistic beauty, and there was an odd curling in his stomach when he remembered taking the photo.

Niall had simply stopped in the middle of the path, fingers reaching back to curl around Harry’s coat, and had tilted his head. Resting on the prongs of a fern was a butterfly that he had never seen before, but was sure, from the look of awe in Niall’s face, that the other boy knew by scientific name. It was beautiful, in an understated way. The wings were transparent, framed by think black lines, fluttering easily and calmly in the late afternoon sun. The lines curled in abstract patterns, and as Harry raised his camera, Niall nudged his elbow.

The photographer was prepared to bite, but then he saw the changed image through his lens. The way Niall had nudged him had allowed thin steams of light to dance through the windows of the butterflies wings, showing the thin membrane, but also bringing the green all around to life. As the shutter clicked, and the butterfly flew away, Harry had allowed himself to consider his companion once more, as he finally showed signs of being an individual which debunked Harry’s preconceived notions. But Niall had stood, watching the flight of the butterfly, before walking on, stating back over his shoulder that they should make up camp soon.

‘You should come back into the tent, its best to get it closed up as soon as possible and get some rest. Don’t really want to be outside when the dark comes.’

Niall squeezed his shoulder with a familiarity which spoke of knowing each for more than a few days, and he stepped back down the uneven slope, disappearing behind the plastic tarp and zipper.

Harry didn’t know what he expected when he finally joined Niall in the tent, but it wasn’t the gentle glow of a laptop and the constant tapping of keys and Niall typed away. There was a twist of cords, connecting to a sort of generator, a line of blinking lights that flickered dully until Harry realised, that they were dulled by the small lamp in the corner of the tent.

‘You didn’t think we would be completely powerless did you.’

Niall looked up at him amused, shadows across his nose and cheeks from the glasses that obscured his face.

‘This is the twenty-first century Harry, I like to do my notes digitally, make sure I have thousands of copies, not just one tattered hand written journal. And I’m sure you would like somewhere to upload your photos just in case.’

Harry could feel his confusion growing. Not once had he had access to electricity whilst in the middle of an expedition, and not once had another scientist thought to provide it, thought it necessary. When he had once mentioned that his battery on his camera was running low, an elderly zoologist in the Pacific islands had simply thrown him a yellowed notebook, telling him to sketch the animals, if it was good enough for Darwin it was good enough for them.

‘We have Wi-Fi too.’

It was those words more than anything that stumped him. All Niall had was a tiny box, and yet he was generating power for his laptop and lamp, and now they had Wi-Fi? It seemed ridiculous, and utterly impossible. There was nothing on the market currently that could do what Niall’s device claimed to do. Harry sat, allowing one eyebrow to quirk up, waiting for Niall to explain.

Glancing up, Niall saw the expression on Harry’s face, and quietly exited the email window on his computer, saved all his notes and shut the device down.

‘I have a friend, and it’s somewhat a passion of his to mess around and invent things. He works as an engineer at NASA, so he has access to all the latest technology, and so long as he seeks permission before he uses any of it, and doesn’t sell it for his own gain, doesn’t even seek to publish his inventions for recognition, he is free to do as he wishes. I’m kind of his test subject. The fact that I’m constantly disappearing into far off places, with little to no power or signal, he uses me to see how his devices perform. That little one over there will keep us going until we reach the outpost, where we can recharge it.’

Harry watched as Niall placed the laptop to the side, flicking off the switches, and leaving them in a gentle darkness. He could see the others silhouette as he laid back, fingers entwined behind his head, before he sat back up to take of his glasses that he had obviously forgotten about. When he lay down again, staring unseeing at the roof of the tent, Harry finally spoke, voice so soft, and yet so loud in the quiet night.

‘An engineer at NASA, that’s a pretty amazing friend.’

And Niall quietly laughed, and despite the low light, Harry could finally see his blue eyes, the brightest colour in the muted tent, staring through the fabric at the night sky beyond.

‘Yeah, I have a lot of friends in high places.’

 

 

* * *

 

 

Liam uncomfortably shifted in his chair, his knowledge settling uneasily in his stomach and mind. The shrieks of joy from children, clapping their hands as a clown twisted balloons into animals and shapes grated at his mind. He could see Louis through the glass door, chatting easily to Briana as though they hadn’t screamed at each other only hours earlier. He knew Louis had told her, her body was angled away, slightly closed off, despite the gentle smile on her face. Liam knew she had accepted it, as she always would. He knew that she told Freddie bedtime stories of his father, and Louis had provided her with a new plot for the next few years.

The nerves in Liam’s stomach had more to do with the loud rambunctious laugh he could hear outside, and Niall sitting among the children, Freddie atop his shoulders as they celebrated the child’s birthday.

Liam could still remember the first time he had met the blond, finally introduced to him by Louis after years of hearing about the other. There was something about the open blue eyes and the easy smile that ignited a protective instinct, and in that instant Liam adopted Niall as a little brother. He knew that he had stepped on Louis’ toes, the way the other tensed when he grasped Niall’s shoulder, saying how pleased he was to finally meet him. For a moment, the smaller boy’s face had changed, as though he had rapidly analysed Liam, eyes darting between him and Louis, before his shoulders relaxed and caved inward, allowing a gentle vulnerability to ensnare his being.

Louis may have told Briana, he may have told his family, if the proud glisten in Johannah’s eye was any indication and the way that Lottie was always hanging close to her brother’s side, absorbing every last minute. But he knew Louis had not told Niall. For what reason he was unsure, the other boy had always been Louis biggest supporter of his dreams, but he supposed to Louis, saying those words to the only boy who truly knew him would also be exposing his fears and doubts about the mission.

He didn’t know when Niall had entered the room, nudging Liam as he slunk into the couch beside him.

‘It’s a party mate, what’s got you looking so stressed.’

Liam simply shook his head, holding a finger up to let Niall know he would be back in a moment.

Niall watched as Liam tapped Louis on his shoulder, holding a quick debate, during which time he saw Briana tense and cross her arms, flinging her hand in his direction and with what was evidently a heated word, pushed Louis into the room.

There was an awkward silence as they all looked at each other, and Niall felt anger bubble as he became aware that he was the last to know whatever the secret was. He knew it was unfair, but Louis had always told him everything, so for there to be something that was being withheld, that he wasn’t being told, it irritated him.

‘Alright, out with it.’

And then he spoke. Louis told Niall how he had been selected for the first mission to Mars, the very program that NASA had been working toward for years, the very mission that Louis’ training had been preparing him for, he was going to be a mission specialist about the first expedition to Mars. It was a three year round trip, a trip through space, through the stars, to be among the first people to step foot on that red planet.

‘We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.’

Louis quoted the words easily, and Niall knew them by heart, having heard them uttered at every instance since that first visit to the Kennedy Space Centre, and he took those steps that separated them and pulled Louis into a tight hug.

He knew Louis was scared, that the step of leaving Earth for three years which was once easy was now not. He would be gone from his family for the better part of five, with intense training and simulations, and there was always risk. The risk that Louis may leave himself among the stars, never return his feet to the ground, especially in a mission like this. But Niall knew that Louis’ fear was not for himself but for those who he would leave behind.

‘Go and reach for the stars Louis, I’m so proud of you.’

And then he laughed, so open and so wide. It was so ridiculous, he knew that Louis was so scared of hurting him, wondering who would protect him if Louis didn’t come back, and Niall wondered if he had played his role too well over the years. He pulled himself back out of the hug, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Louis ears, and just smiled, trying to convey in his eyes that he would be okay, finally letting Louis see the strength that Niall tried so hard to hide, because he knew Louis needed that grounding presence that him being vulnerable provided.

‘I’m thinking of going to the Amazon sometime in the next few years, to study the bioluminescence of some of the species. I’m going to look for fireflies.’

He said the last line forceful and slow, and he could see Liam relax from the corner of his eye. He watched as Louis allowed himself to understand, and suddenly Niall was pulled into another tight hug.

‘You are your stupid fireflies.’

There was a wet laugh, relieved, and Niall smiled as he thumped his hand against Louis back.

‘Hey mate, don’t go insulting my fireflies, don’t forget their just stars I’m chasing on the ground.’

 

 

* * *

 

 

Mossy rocks painted the gentle slope, thick root and vine snaking around, and the gentle buzz of invisible insects filled the humid air, as Harry pulled his hair up, twisting it with a thin rubber band, squinting ahead, wondering how Niall knew where to go.

He would stop occasionally, hand to a trunk, and look to the sky, calculating the position of the sun, and then glancing around, eyes falling on a rock formation, lips pursed and head tilted before taking a right turn and walking on.

Harry knew that Niall had to have a vision, to come and traipse around the Amazon without a goal, without a specific creature, was too broad. For a photographer like himself it made sense, being able to immerse himself in the picturesque rainforest, but Niall was a scientist, he needed a hypothesis and he needed to be able to study something specific to be able to reach a conclusion about his theories. Harry kept planning to ask, but every time the words danced on the tip of his tongue he had been distracted, either by Niall, flicking his hands in the air, pointing to some creature or flora that he thought deemed Harry’s attention, or by Harry’s own thoughts, catching his question in drowning it with others.

The one time he had asked Niall why the other kept pointing out any of the animals he caught sight of, Niall had smiled, reminding him that it was Harry that complained that Niall had missed that first monkey, and letting Harry know that whilst he was here to support Niall in his research, that was no reason why Harry couldn’t continue to take advantage of the biodiversity and add to his portfolio.

Harry was pulled from his once again wondering thoughts as he heard Niall let out a startled yell. His foot slipped on some moss, and Harry watched in slow motion as Niall desperately waved his arms, trying to regain his balance, only to fall, rolling slightly down the hill, and lay on his back, staring upward, glasses thrown off somewhere to the side.

And looking at Niall there, backpack caught underneath him, a slight furrow between his brows as he tried to work out just what had happened, wiggling his feet and holding his fist in front of his eyes, clenching it to make sure there was no damage, Harry laughed.

Niall’s head was still swirling, replaying the moment he had fallen. It was a whirl of colours, and as he laid there mentally cataloguing his body, and noting nothing but a slight twinge in his bum knee, he relaxed. And then he heard it. Laughter, so loud, so clear that he could visualise the ha, as he sat up, and looked up the hill. Harry was physically doubled over, his mouth pulled wide over his teeth, and his eyes scrunched up as he struggled to breath, unable to stop laughing. He looked up and caught sight of Niall’s face, one eyebrow raised above those blue eyes, and he succumbed again, the laughter coming from deep within him.

It was so infectious and pure that Niall felt his own giggles bubble inside. This was foreign, this feeling of embarrassment turned joy. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had laughed at him, usually they were immediately at his side, so suffocatingly overbearing, and he would always allow himself to be tended to, even though he wanted to push them away. But this, the way that Harry was laughing, completely open, it put Niall at ease.

It was as though, in that moment, all pretences were dropped, there was no mask in such open laughter.

Finally Harry calmed enough to step carefully down the slope, kneeling beside Niall, and placing one hand on his shoulder.

‘So, did you have a nice trip?’

His smile was so open and goofy, eyes bright and green, and looking and Niall so fondly, that Niall simply nudged him back.

‘Shut up you idiot and help me up, my knees a little bunged up.’

Harry looped his arm under Niall’s shoulder, hand resting on his waist, twisting under the heavy backpack still on Niall’s back. As they stood, Niall carefully tested the weight he could put on his knee, and although he screwed his face up slightly in pain, he determined it was fine to carry on, and gently removed himself from Harry’s embrace.

They were about to move on when Harry crouched down, picking up the black frames from the ground, mouth twisting as he saw the crack across one of the lens. He lifted them up to his eyes, to see how badly the lens would obstruct Niall’s vision, and let out a disbelieving snort as he looked through the clear glass.

‘These aren’t prescription glasses.’

Niall flushed, the tips of his ears going pink as he stuttered, and Harry felt the corners of his lips twist into a fond smile, warmth spreading to the tips of his fingers and he put the glasses into his bag and shrugged at Niall.

‘Well, it’s a good thing you don’t need them anyway, cause they are screwed.’

He started forward, acting with pretend knowledge that he knew where they were going, glancing back to see Niall hobbling slowly but surely behind him.

‘I have a bit of a baby face, you know.’

Harry snorted, because Niall having a baby face was extremely obvious, but he gestured for Niall to continue.

‘Basically everyone I meet, they feel a need to protect me, which is ridiculous because I can more than look after myself. But I guess I got used it, knew how to play the part of the damsel, because I guess some people need to be the protector, they need to have someone to protect. So I let myself be cast in that vulnerable role, and sometimes I wonder if they even realised that I was letting them protect me, cause in protecting me they were protecting themselves.’

Niall tried to remain in the now, not sure why he felt the need to explain himself to Harry. He had always known that Louis needed to protect someone, and for the longest time that person was Niall. He didn’t know if it was because his father had left him so young, or if was just a genetic predisposition to needing to be strong, all Niall knew is that Louis distracted himself from his own problems, by focusing on making sure Niall never had any. And now, Louis wanted to protect Freddie, his own son, and it left Niall a little more freedom and independence.

‘Sometimes, I lost myself in that persona, had to remind myself that I existed outside of my relationships with others, I was more than someone to be protected. That’s why I started wearing the glasses. In this profession, it’s so easy to not be taken seriously, especially as I’m so young. So I started to wear the glasses to make me look older, a barrier of sorts to manipulate how they perceived me. Plus I looked really really ridiculously good looking in them.’

Harry let out a coughed laugh, as Niall contorted his face into a stupid Blue Steel impression, but he recognised it as an attempt to diffuse the situation, that Niall had just revealed so much of himself to Harry, and now Harry felt obliged to do the same.

He slowed down, allowing himself to drop onto a large rock, looking across a relatively flat expanse that would do for their camp tonight. Shrugging his pack off, he indicated for Niall to join him, as they stared through the muggy rainforest, watching the liquid sunlight reflect of the curve of the riverbed somewhere not too far in the west.

‘I didn’t start as a photographer.’

Harry twisted the lens, lifting the camera from his neck to capture a brightly coloured parrot as it dipped between the trees.

‘I started studying science, environmental science and biology to be more exact, but art was always my love. If it wasn’t for some good friends pointing out that I wasn’t happy, I probably wouldn’t be here now.’

 

 

* * *

 

 

‘You’re doodling again.’

They were sat outside a café, Zayn leaning across the table looking at Harry’s notes, the smell of smoke twirling around him from the lit cigarette in his fingers. Harry sighed, running his long fingered through his hair, catching sight of Taylor trying to dance through the crowd, whilst desperately typing on her phone. Harry recognised the look, the gentle bite of her red lower lip, the hair dipping across her forehead, and the intense concentration as she mouthed words, head nodding to some beat only she could hear.

As she sat, they waited for her to look up, waited for her to get her inspiration out before she looked up with a bright smile.

‘New song?’ Harry asked, glancing toward the waiter and wondering how long it would be until their coffee arrived.

Taylor nodded, but said nothing on the topic, she never did as she hid her phone away in her bag, ready to give her full attention to her two friends.

‘So what is happening with you guys?’

She tilted her sunglasses back, allowing them to sit on her hair like a headband, revealing inquisitive blue eyes as she tucked her feet under the table. Her fingers still tapped along the table, the metronome to a song only she could hear, but she was focused on Zayn and Harry.

Harry couldn’t remember how long they had been coming to that particular café on little friendship dates and Taylor liked to call them, but if he had to guess, it had been since the first day of university, when Taylor had stumbled into the classroom, brows furrowed and perfect red lips pursed as she asked if she was in the right room. As a music major in the science lab is was pretty obvious she was lost, but Harry and Zayn had both offered to help her find her room. Somehow, none of them ended up going to their first class, but had found themselves at the quaint little café nestled toward the back of the campus grounds, taking about their lives and their future hopes.

‘Harry is going to fail his final, cause he is too busy doodling and taking pictures of random things for Instagram.’

Zayn was judgemental, arms crossed over his chest, and Harry couldn’t blame him. Whilst Harry was allowing himself to get distracted by his artistic impulses, Zayn was laser focused, determined to get the best possible marks, having transferred from the biology science major to study medicine. He wanted to be a doctor, to save people lives, and the one time Harry had jokingly pointed out that as a doctor Zayn should know better than to smoke, Zayn threatened to burn him.

‘Why do you keep doing science if it doesn’t interest you?’

‘It does interest me!’ Harry winced as his reply to Taylor came out sounding like a petulant child, but she just smiled with her everlasting patience and rested a hand on his arm.

‘I’m not saying it doesn’t, but maybe you should look into doing art. For me, I can imagine doing anything but music, being able to express in lyrics what I can never say, to find a melody that communicates with everyone, it’s my essence, and it’s who I am. And art is who you are. Photography is who you are. I recognise that look whenever you have your hands on a camera, whether it’s a Polaroid or some ridiculously expensive camera with fifty different lenses. Find yourself with a camera, find a way to combine your love for science, and your love for photography. Please Harry, otherwise you’re just going to be unhappy.’

She was right, and he knew it. So did Zayn, who had settled back, a smug look on his face.

‘Listen to her Haz. Besides, I’m already picturing the next hit single from Miss Taylor here, all about how you found yourself looking through the lens.’

Taylor playfully hit his shoulder, but her eyes had the faraway look as though she was hearing the lyrics and instruments composing themselves in her mind. And as Harry looked between the two of them, and to his notes, which he could barely read beneath the sketch of a robin that had hopped across the cement only half an hour ago, he decided that he was going to change his major to photography, and see where the world took him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was dark, and Harry was nursing the thermos of hot chocolate, made from water boiled on an open fire and some powder Niall had scooped from the bottom of his bag. After they had eater, the fire had been doused, neither of the boy willing to risk the flames spreading, although they knew that the damp ground would slow any potential blaze.

He was watching Niall, as the blond limped carefully around their camp, his fingers brushing against a cold stone face, which seemed to be made of crumbling clay. There was a smudge of dirt across his forehead where he had wiped away at the daily residue of sweat, both Harry and Niall starting to hope they would stumble across a river soon to wipe away the reminder of their long days. But even with his hair slightly oily, and pushed back from his forehead, and the gentle bags under his eyes, the very slight dark stubble around his chin, that Harry was certain the other wouldn’t even be able to grow, until he had shaken Niall awake the morning and saw the slightest beginnings of facial hair, Niall was beautiful.

It was breathtaking, the way the gentle silver of the moon captured the blond in his hair, illuminating it like a halo, and catching in his blue eyes, reflecting and making them seem dark and never ending and yet with an internal light so bright that Harry could almost feel the warmth.

And then Niall dropped to the ground with a gasp, and Harry was instantly to his feet, alert, but waiting for Niall’s indication of what was wrong.

‘Quick, Harry grab your camera.’

The camera was always close by, and Harry strung it around his neck, taking quick but careful step until he stood at Niall’s shoulder.

He wasn’t immediately sure what he was looking at, eyes roaming across the dirt until he saw it and wondered how he had even missed it to begin with. A tiny worm, poking out of a hole, pincers waving threateningly in the air, as Niall gently held out a stick toward it.

But the interesting thing was the soft green glow, barely bright enough to cast a shadow, and yet so magically unique, that Harry bought the camera to his eye and zoomed in, snapping shot after shot of the tiniest creature they had found so far.

‘Bioluminescence.’

Niall breathed the word, his fingers curling in the dirt, and the smile on his face brighter than the glow of the worm. ‘I knew the Amazon had some bioluminescent species, but I was starting to wonder if we would ever see one. The Predatory Glow Worm, only discovered in 2014, and now I’m looking at it.’

He rocked back, looking up at Harry with those impossibly bright and intelligent eyes.

‘This is why we are here isn’t it, you want to study bioluminescence in insects.’

Harry finally understood, he had known all along that Niall had to have some reason for being here, for being willing to stumble through the thick undergrowth and the constant cycle of rain and humid sunlight. And looking at the sheer wonder on Niall’s face, he had his answer.

‘Lampróg.’

Niall whispered the word, twisting the foreign language around Harry’s brain.

‘It means firefly in Gaelic. For me it’s always been about fireflies. I remember when I was young, by best friend Louis used to tell me about the stars, I was so entranced by his stories, and how he would tell me he was going to go to the stars one day. When I was about seven, I stumbled across a colony of fireflies, and I remember thinking that they were fallen stars, so I dragged Louis along and told him right then, he was going to chase the stars in the sky and I was going to chase them on the Earth.’

Niall was almost laughing with sheer joy, looking at the sky with pride on his face.

‘Where is Louis now?’

‘Going to Mars, Louis Tomlinson, Astronaut.’

Niall said the words with such pride, that Harry felt himself smile as he looked at the stars. The name was familiar, having been uttered across many news stations, a name that would be remembered like Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin.

And while Niall had only found a single glow worm, he was optimistic. He knew that the Amazon was host to so many creatures that emitted a glow through bioluminescence, and he could feel it, that same anticipation he felt when he was seven, and when he closed his eyes he could almost see the dart of the glowing bugs across the lush rainforest.

He felt Harry thread his hand with his, warm and comforting, and as they sat, staring at the skies, Niall allowed himself to drown in Harry’s voice, as that slow British tone promised him that they would find fireflies, that Niall would find his stars before they left the Amazon.

 

* * *

 

 

It was maybe a week later. A week of talking and pointless pictures of animals and insects. They still hadn’t found the fireflies, and Harry found his camera focusing more and more on Niall. He wondering if sometimes Niall noticed, the way the lens lingered on him, the way that Harry would circle him, admiring how the sun would kiss his skin and through his jawline into shadow. How it would catch his blue eyes and light them from the inside out.

At night, Niall would try to teach Harry Spanish, laughing as the taller boy tripped over the pronunciation. It was one of those nights, Harry having fallen asleep, Niall next to him, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

‘Eres mi luciérnaga’

You’re my firefly. Niall has spent so much of his life chasing Louis, chasing the stars, when all he wanted was his small lightning bugs, and now looking at Harry, he could feel himself falling. If Louis was the stars, Harry was the fireflies.

The outpost was only another day’s journey, and when they reached they would finally be able to sleep in a bed, eat a fresh homemade meal, and really look back at their journey, while preparing for their next. But at the same time, both Harry and Niall saw it as a deadline, their final night on the first step of their journey to find the lightning bugs.

The sun was setting, throwing colours of pink and gold across the sky, when they settled for the night, the gentle flow of the nearby stream the background music.

Harry was jokingly singing under his breath, and Niall rolled his eyes as he heard the lyrics to Fireflies. He looked at the other boy fondly, laying back against the ground, camera held above his head as he flicked through the photos for that day. Niall sat beside him, leaning back until his head was rested on Harry’s stomach.

He felt the large fingers brush through his hair, and he sighed, watching as the first star appeared in the rapidly darkening sky. The first star was always so bright, a beacon of hope in the ever stretching blackness, and he thought of that star as Louis, waving to him like he promised.

He lay watching the stars, his thoughts on Louis and Liam and how the Mars mission was going, making a promise to himself to call the engineer when he reached the outpost, because while he loved being among nature, he felt so cut off from his family.

Harry jolted beneath him, sitting up quickly, and Niall’s head slipped from his stomach to his lap. He glared upwards, at Harry’s jawline, hair pulled over one shoulder, and his face looking toward the sky.

‘Niall look.’

And then Niall saw them, tiny flashes that he has almost missed because he was so focused on watching the stars light up across the sky. He could already hear the shutter of Harry’s camera, and he laughed, laughed because he had found his fireflies. His fingers itched to grab his equipment from his back, to catch a single bug for study, and to calculate why they appear here, why this area of the Amazon. But he didn’t, he simply sat up, and looked around with childhood wonder.

Harry moved the camera rapidly, trying to capture as many shots as he could, as more and more tiny lights appeared, but he hesitated as Niall came into focus. Niall looking at all the lightning bugs, his face so young and innocent, his smile lighting up his eyes and tiny laughter of sheer joy as the bugs floated around his face, kissing his rosy cheeks, and settling in his hair like a tiny crown. Harry snapped the shutter, knowing he had just captured his favourite picture of the entire expedition, and lowered his camera.

He reached over, hand gently caressing Niall’s cheek, hooking under his chin, and pulling him close. He could see each dark lash, the gentle blush across Niall’s face, and the way he bit his lip, nervous and ready. And Harry lingered, enjoying the sight, seeing the fireflies reflected in Niall’s eyes, and the intense eye contact made him aware that his own green eyes were decorated by those dancing lights.

It was Niall who closed the distance, pressing his lips against Harry’s, confident yet vulnerable, as Harry felt Niall’s hand trace down his spine to rest at the small of his back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Space, the final frontier. Louis couldn’t help the tiny chuckle that slipped through his lips. A few months into the mission and his mind had been fielding nonstop science fiction references, that he had not dared to share with his crewmates, that was being saved until either one of them bought it up first, or he had spiralled so far into boredom he had no choice.

He pulled himself along the aircraft, fingers grasping to the exposed beams to force himself along, toward the front of the aircraft. He had just been skyping with Liam, and though the conversation had started with discussions on the engineering of the vessel and how it was coping with the stress, a ticking conversation swinging back and forth between two highly mechanical brains to make sure everything was operating smoothly, it soon turned to thoughts of home.

Freddie was back at school, but Briana was bringing him to NASA control in the coming weeks, so he could see his father at work. It would be the first time that he had skyped to his son from his office among the stars, as his child was finally old enough to understand just what was happening. It was the only unfortunately thing about the journey to Mars, Louis had mused, that the only contact he could have with Earth was through NASA, as the technology had not yet filtered through to the general population. He shuddered to think what would happen if he didn’t have Liam on the inside, a friend who could keep him grounded, in a rather literal sense of the word.

He could see Liam hesitating, a smile twinkling at his eyes and pulling at his lips, an answer he was waiting to give, but was waiting for the right question, and Louis knew only person could create that response.

‘How’s Niall.’

And Liam had burst into animated laughter, hands dancing in front of him as he told Louis about Niall’s Amazon expedition, and how the younger man had found his fireflies and how he was still in the rainforest studying the mechanics of bio luminosity intensely. But, that wasn’t the best part.

‘The nature photographer that he went with, they kissed!’

It was a childish joy, not dissimilar to the whispered gossip on a schoolyard at lunch, but Louis could tell then Niall and the photographer had done more than kiss, as Liam recounted how Niall had ranted every day about the other, about how easy he was to talk to, how he had laughed at him when he fell over. It seemed so strange to Louis that laughing at Niall’s misfortune would be the one thing that truly reached to him, but it had, and even second hand, he could tell his little Irish brother was in love. He could picture it, a childhood romanticised dream, a gentle kiss with the soft glow of fireflies dancing around them. That alone would create a smitten Niall, but this, from the sounds of it was deep and real.

And Louis was so glad. He knew he often appeared naïve, but he wasn’t so blind as not to see the way Niall’s gaze upon him had changed over the years, and he always worried that he had made himself so big in Niall’s life that the other would never open his eyes to the possibilities of the world around him, and rather stay lost in his mind and with his bugs forever.

Louis settled now, floating in front of a window, toward the back of the vessel, the only window that could show where they had been and not where they were going.

_‘One day I will go to space Ni, I will look outside the window and see nothing but stars. I will look down and see Earth, I might even wave to you.’_

_‘You better wave to me! Just wait, my stars will be here soon.’_

He could see Earth in the distance, so bright against the inky darkness that stretched across the entire landscape. He could see the twist and twirl of stars, lights of different brightness pulsating with life. The swirl of distant galaxies, barely even tangible to the naked eye, and yet he knew staring that in that direction lay a dusting of pink twisted with gold.

But for once, it wasn’t the stars that held his attention. For so long Louis’ head was in the skies, chasing the stars, but now, with a gentle smile on his face, fingers splayed against the glass, his focus was entirely on earth, on words uttered what seemed like a lifetime ago.

And with a gentle laugh, watching the outline of South America covered by a swirl of cloud, Louis waved.


End file.
